i wish i can...

just a while ago, a friend of mine sent me this one...

"now i understand why some people get themselves drunk..
it's not because they just want to get wasted.
But because they wanna escape each killing moment they spend
every fucking night thinking about what's happening with their damn life!!
of course they don't forget their problems..
at least they don't spend the night crying themselves to sleep."

then for some time, i told myself ...
how i wish i know how to drink and be drunk just like what other people do whenever they can't sleep..
then i can say that at least i didn't spend the night crying myself to sleep, funny...
yes, funny for someone like me to even think about this one.

if only i can stop time, i would.
i hate him for leaving me just when i needed him most.
i hate him for being with her instead of being with me.
i hate you for not being there JUST WHEN I NEEDED YOU MOST..

how many more *** should i hate for leaving me...

i feel like walking tonight...
a lot of things that i used to do with you, but i guess now...
well i don't know....

you are just like them...

i'll be okay.
i will..
i must..

i'll be missing "neth"..
i wish i can be not me...